B-Movie of the Week

This week: Squirm!

I thought about reviewing Syfy's Dinoshark, the Roger Corman travesty that debuted last night, but while pouring through a folder of old movie poster pics from some of the worst films of the last 50 or so years; I stumbled on this great image done for Squirm. Don't let the great promotional poster fool you, this is one of the worse movies ever made. So why is it worth watching? Its awfulness lends itself to be one of the most unintentionally hilarious films of all time.
Mick is new to town. He is an outsider for sure, and stands out like a sore thumb. Of course in this backwoods town anyone with a highschool education stands out quite a bit. But all that lernin' he's been doing in the big city may come in handy when a freak storm unleashes a swarm of earthworms. No these aren't mutant worms, or genetically engineered Super-Worms. Hell they aren't even giant worms. No, these are just pissed off worms. Lots and lots of pissed off worms.
Along with Mick is a ragtag group of lovable characters. Geri, Mick's overly Southern girlfriend, and Roger, the crazy redneck worm farmer's son with affections for Geri. And though his awkward sexual advances are no where near the creepiness level of Torgo, he isn't the innocent redneck equivalent of Lennie Small either. Eventually all innocence is gone, as Roger shows his truly wormy side.
Where Squirm! really shines isn't in its brilliant portrayal of back country small town living. Its not its colorful cast of characters, brought to life by quality acting. Its the sheer genius of its wandering plot.

At no point during this film does it feel that anyone involved has any clue as to where the story is going. Sure other films of this type have gotten by with little to no story, some even flaunt that fact. But Squirm! meanders from point to point eventually concluding in what I suppose you could consider a climax, though the scenes preceding it do nothing to build to that moment. I will admit however, as a viewer we really know something is up when my personal favorite character, Mr. Beardsley, has mysteriously disappeared. After that...all hell breaks loose? To be honest I am not sure. But a lot of things happen.
Now don't get me wrong, while the storyline and pacing of this film is a mess, and there are really no good visual effects or great kills in it, (and there is no nudity in it either which atleast Slugs! had going for it)...okay so there really is only one redeeming quality in this movie. It's dialogue. This film contains some of the lamest, cheesiest and perhaps stupidest things ever said on film. Whether it be the writers trying to make the townfolk seem extra Southern, or extra retarded, or they are just trying to make a pathetic excuse at a joke. Bottom line is this movie is damn funny, and even though I have seen it numerous times. It still leaves me in stitches. Even if its just for one iconically stupid line:
"No! You're gonna be the worm-face!"

Check out the film in its entirety online: